Crossing the Bridge

Beware of Trolls

Who’s that trip trapping over MY BRIDGE?

It’s that gobshite, the one who asks difficult questions, the one who keeps asking difficult questions.

How did she get in?

Her mum opened her legs. That’s how.

Follow the rules. Keep your opinions to yourself. Keep your trap shut. Remember to smile. Keep saying sorry. Make them let you in. Take what you need. Give what you can.

I plug my ears. I try to smile. Curiosity, not judgement. You are here to learn. Show humility. Try. Keep trying, throw caution to the wind and trust. You will be let out and you will have the key. Beware of trolls, especially the one inside your own head.

I’m trying to do something which is hard. On my way here I was ready to give up. I expected it to be bad. I found a long lost brother. I found a long lost sister. I found nourishment. I put my sword down and found peace.

I am ok. You are ok. It will be ok. Trust me.

We talk about instinct versus intellect. I take notes. I try to keep my trap shut. I open a window. The cool Devonshire air pours in, swallows swoop above the thatched roof, I hear the bubble of goldfinches outside. My feathered friends.

The thick cob walls contain us. I don my mother’s old apron, I cook and clean. I rise early and pray. I cry, I wrap myself in an old shawl, she is like a friend to me. I scrub the pudding bowl. I drink warm water. I fill my hot water bottle and retreat to my cell. I open my book, I open my mind and let the words pour out. I will do this. I will.

The road is long and this is hard, but I’ve come to believe that something, someone is holding me. The world is carrying me. They have my back. I am ok. I am not bad. None of it was my fault and I am lovable.

I can do this. And I will return. I will come back. I will show them my mettle. I am not doing this for them. I am doing it for her.

WHO’S THAT TRIP TRAPPING OVER MY BRIDGE?

It is I. The gruff one. I am dancing on the other side. The grass tastes sweet and I am laughing.